Strong, not. Not as strong as I thought.
Emo. Yes. Which I can't really figure out why.
Frighten. Yes. I woke up not sweating, Hobart is too cold for me to sweat. But I woke up scared, frightened and feeling all weird and uncertain. I can't really recall my dream. But the one thing that remain in my brain was this: Repent.
Repent? I was confused. Why repent? Does that mean I have to repent or the whole people in OCF have to repent. I don't know. I wouldn't say that this is a bad dream, but I rather find this dream really weird. I can't really seem to understand the whole dream, which I have already forgotten. Now, I'm still trying to make sense of what this supposed to mean.
Talk about friggin' weird.
Putting that aside.
As I mentioned just now, I seriously thinking to myself, I'm NOT strong after all. I may know that I get discouraged easily but I never knew that I'm that vulnerable. I'm easily irritated. I get annoyed when things don't happen according to my way. I seriously get agitated when my housemates mess up the kitchen and don't clean them up.
But feeling vulnerable, easily bruised, weak? Hello, it's me that you're talking about. After all the blog post of how dependent I was and still am on God, now I'm talking that I'm vulnerable, easily bruised, weak? This is rather strange, 'cause I really do feel that way and not forgetting to mention that I feel so defeated until I don't know what to do for my boyfriend. Ok, not that my boyfriend did something bad, he's a great person and I really do love him. It's just that, basic relationship like taking care of each other, trying to lift each other's burden, encouraging one another etc. This time, I felt so defeated and useless to some extent that I can't do anything for him. All I did was to give him a great, big hug and tell him that everything is going to be ok but actually, we knew that it's not going to go away that soon. Right now, I'm just lying on the bed, typing this and watching him so stressed out with his assignments and yada yada.. :(
I feel so helpless.
Boy, how life can be so complicated to the extent that I felt weak.
Sigh.
